Sad Post

I am trying to wrap my head around two holes in my life. I lost two of my best friends in the last three weeks and am having a hard time adjusting to the new reality of my home life. Darin and I had four animal friends in our home, our two dogs and our two cats. I know the risk of writing about anything that could be deemed sentimental. I don't care. I try live my life in light and love. The rest of it doesn't really matter.
Sage our oldest cat was 18 when he died of kidney failure on Sept 14th. His death was very painful and I feel the emptiness in the space beside me in our bed every night. During the last year or so, Sage had taken to waking me up in the middle of the night, so that he could talk with me and I could pet him. I think that he knew that time was getting short and wanted as much love as I could give him. I felt the same way. The day that he left us I laid on my bed with him on my chest and felt the smallest pur. Sage lives inside of my now.
We used to call Sage the punk rock\rock and roll kitty because he lived with a death metal band. At a dinner party in the 90's he ran into the middle of a room full of people with full dinner plates and freaked out. He jumped from plated to plate and was gone in seconds. We all sat there with laps full of food, laughing an uncomfortable belly laugh born of surprise and confusion.

On October 1st we lost our little girl, Millie. Darin and I had been at the gallery taking my show down. When we got home the neighbours told us that had found her in the street. Millie spent a little time in our garden, but had never gone out to the street in the 3 years we lived in our house. My mom said she was looking for Sage. I hope they are together. The dogs have been sad and we are trying to learn to live with the absence of our cats. The Chairs that they are supposed to be asleep in, the unused sunbeams, the cans of cat food that are still sitting on the shelf. This absence is so profound and raw. I want to find a way to let go of the violence of Millie's death, because it is haunting me. I know that she will become a part of me, after the pain is gone. Millie had a bad attitude and loved to bite feet and hiss with the best of them. Clifton and her used to have hissing contests in the kitchen. Back and forth like dueling banjos. She used to run around the house at night with her toy mouse meowing so loud as to wake everyone up. She was full of a character that you couldn't ever be sure of. Somtimes she would pur and somtimes bite.

My friend Malia wrote this poem about sage...

Song of Sage

My chronicle follows ancient Silk Roads

My name is spice and wisdom

With a lineage of the pharaohs

I am a creature of time and space

Perhaps I am self-absorbed

Is there a creature as fascinating as myself?



While a speckled lad I fed richly on

The flavors of my life

Skating on polished floors I

Chased dust-diamonds in sunbeams

And leapt to the sacred music of the faeries



I basked in the drone of midnight Philosophy

as my boy and his

Companions discovered the great mysteries

I know the answers lie in ear scratching and whiskery kisses



I tolerated the others because

They make the boys happy but

I maintained my dignity

One must have standards. My

Cultivated vocal Harumph is sublime and evocative

My place in the home is unquestioned



Once there were two I burrowed

Deep into their warm warren

Basking in the soft cobwebs of

Dreams and deep breathes

Our nest floated around us like a cloud



Like my name I am old and

Sleek with understanding

My belly is full of the delicious

Taste of living and

I have been content and satisfied



When my body grows too small

I will float on a sun

Dappled stream. I will never

Leave you my boy. I will always be here

I have always been here



I am a tapestry of dust and sunlight

Can you see me? I see you.

Harumph!